THIS I KNOW

“Jesus loves me this I know,” I hum as I rock my grand baby to sleep.

I hold her close and pray that she grows to embrace the truth that her Grammy still struggles with.

For even though I received forgiveness for my sins years ago, I developed a faulty theology along the way - a feeling deep down- that says God only accepts me when I’m perfect.

The shame and anger I feel at myself each time I stumble only pushes me further away from the love I desperately long for. I find myself hiding from God, knowing I will never live up to His expectations.

But I have faced battles like this before.

While I knew that my mom loved me, I had never taken it to heart. I had not been able to be the perfect daughter; so therefore, I felt unworthy of her unconditional love. As an adult, I had done everything possible to avoid drawing too close, for fear I would fail her.

Then just months before Mom left this earth, I stopped by for a quick visit. She welcomed me with a brave smile that tried to hide her pain and I glanced around the room to see what tasks I could accomplish while there. 

I dusted around her and nervously prattled on with useless news, fearing the answer to a question I didn’t even know how to ask.

When I leaned down to prop her pillows, she reached out and wrapped her bruised arms around me, pulled my cheek close to hers and fiercely whispered into my ear,

“You are my smart, precious baby girl.”

Those few words immediately toppled every barricade I had ever built to keep her at arm’s length. In one declaration of belonging, I knew. 

I was enough. 

I was simply her daughter and that was all I ever needed to be.

In the same way, Jesus whispers that same truth to my heart and to yours, even now.

You are my smart, precious child.

I love you completely, just the way you are.

Come here and let me wrap My arms around you today.

Yes, Jesus loves me.  

The Bible tells me so.

“See how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are!”

1 John 3:1a NLT